Bakery Boy Blog
by BBC101
Summary: NAME: Peeta GOAL IN LIFE: Marry Katniss and have many many babies. ENEMY: ...Gale. *Eye twitch* REASON WHY I SOMETIMES COME HOME WITH A BLACK EYE: Katniss doesn't seem to like me showing up at her house asking if she wants to have babies…
1. BACON LOVING CENTAUR!

**NAME: **Peeta

**GOAL IN LIFE: **Marry Katniss and have many many babies.

**ENEMY: **...Gale. (Eye twitch)

**REASON WHY I SOMETIMES COME HOME WITH A BLACK EYE: **Katniss doesn't seem to like me showing up at her house asking if she wants to have babies…

Well, there you go. Me in a nutshell.

What do you want to talk about? Im new to this type of thing… I got a letter from Thalia asking me to take part in BBC2012 for some reason. Apparently she thinks im "Entertaining" because I seem like a "stalker". But whatever, I am SO not a stalker.

I mean, what's wrong with watching just ONE certain girl walk home every day. And, you know, like noting what she wears every day. What things she caught in the forest and when she makes phone calls to Haymitch to make sure hes not off killing puppies!

THAT IS NOT STALKING! (Right? Cause I don't like cops showing up at my door saying im a stalker…)

Its not like im tapping her phone line or anything! Or sneaking through her window at night to raid through her baby pictures! (She had the most adorable smile!) I did not just say that…

Well Thalia made all of the bloggers come to her place, Camp Half Blood (Scary as hell man). And were staying the night here to make sure were doing this blog ting right. Let me just tell you that this thing is scary. I mean….you wouldn't believe it, but, I think theres a centaur outside my door! Oh don't act like you wouldn't be scared if a half man half horse knocked at your door asking If you wanted some bacon!

(Yea…I would live some bacon. Thanks Chiron!...creepy.)

Did you know they stuck me in the Aphrodite cabin! The APHRODITE CABIN! It reeks of perfume and flowers in here…please help.

Oh wait…here comes Katniss. Oh yes. Beautiful.

Hmmm…what the hell is she carrying?

Oh, that is a huge dog following her. What does the collar say? Mrs. O'Leary? Weird.

OH no. OH HELL NO!

GALE GET AWAY FROM MY WOMAN! SHES MINE YOU BULL HEADED FRE-….thats not Gale.

Sure looks like him… Percy Jackson? OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG!

(Me: OHHHHH KATNISS! I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING!  
>Katniss: Fine, make it quick Bakery Boy.<br>Me: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!  
>Katniss:….outside.<br>Me: WITH WHO!  
>Katniss:…Percy.<br>Me: MMMHMMM.  
>Katniss: Were not dating Peeta, and were never going to. Stop acting like im your husband or something…<br>ME: AND THAT'S HOW YOU FEEL!  
>Katniss: Bye Peeta.<br>Me: OH HELL NO!)

Welll…I bombed. Happy America and beyond! Are you happy?

Groan. I think Im going to go drown myself.

BAKERY BOY OUT!

_**Emodude389: **_

Chill out dude.

_**Wisegirl8756:**_

WHERE? WHO? YOU BEEN WERE WHERE? WITH WHO? MMMMMM FOR REAL? OH REALLY? THAT'S HOW YOU FEEL?

_**SeaweedBrain789:**_

ASKING ALL THESE QUESTIONS. ASKING ALL THESE QUESTIONS. WHY YOU ASKING ALL THESE QUESTIONS? MAKING STATEMENTS. ASSUMING?

_**Wisegirl8756:**_

MMM WERE YOU BEEN? HO- HOW MUCH DID YOU SPEND? YEA I TRUST YOU, NOW UNLOCK OUR PHONE. OOOHHH NO, WHO IS THIS HOE!

_**12GIRLONFIRE12:**_

Im so confused…


	2. I AM THE MIGHTY PEETA! HEAR MY RAWR!

I. AM. FREAKING. FAMOUS!

OMG! I HAVE A MOVIE!

And if I do say so myself, I look smexy.

(Katniss: Peeta, are you...striking a pose? To your computer?  
>Peeta: OF COURSE NOT SWEETHEART!<br>Katniss: dont call me that.)

Shell let up soon enough! I mean uor movie CLEARLY stated that we would make wonderful babies in the future!

I want a pet chiken.

Yes, a pet chicken. cause then, when food is low, Katniss will shoot it. I shall name my chicken Gale. So she will be killing Gale! So its like double bonus points, she goes into my backyard, and she kills Gale! ITS A WIN WIN! Sort of. Guess its more of a...Win Win/Fail. Does that make sense? No? Okay.

But guess what! WERE FINNALY BACK HOME!

That stupid camp we went to got overrun by sucpicious looking lizards. I hate lizards. Thalia had to save me from one, it almost pooled confetti out of its mouth. Thalia said it was fire...perhaps it was confetti that turns into fire?

If thats the case, those things arent that scary.

I need to pee.

Nevermind. Katniss is changing... yummy.

AAAGGGHHHH! SOMEBODY HELP! AGGGGHHHh!

Katniss here! I saw Peeta watching me change, so I bashed his skull open and sent an arrow through his heart...okay, not litteraly. But I did throw burned bread at him. Its not as much of a miracale as people think its is!

(I GOT BREAD AND I AINT AFRIAD TO THROW IT! AINT AFRAID TO THROW IT! THROW IT! ...IM PEETA AND I KNOW IT!)

Not again. PEETA SHUT THE FREAK UP! OR ILL BRING THRESH BACK TO LIFE AND MAKE HIM BEAT YOUR SKULL OPEN!

Sneaking...sneaking. sneaking...POUNCE!

I AM THE MIGHTY PEETA! HEAR MY RAWR!

BAKERY BOY OUT!


	3. LIVE FROM THE CLOSET!

Peeta Mellark here, reporting live from Katniss's closet!

Dont ask me how I got here, its a very long story.

It all started one morning...

The sky was nice a blue, not a cloud in sight. Every creature was stirring even Paul the termite.

I arose from my bed, yawning and sleepy. But I got up anyways, cause I had to take a piss.

So after I finished, my butt nice and clean; I pulled up my pants, and started to dream. Of me and Katniss, having many babies. So many babies that it gave me the heavie jeabies.

So I grabbed my camera, and galloped from the room. Leaving all my mess behind me, so I wouldnt need a broom. I skipped to the edge of town, to Katniss's house. Not making a noise, I scurried behind the bushes like a field mouse.

I took many pictures, many flashes arose. But then Katniss appeared, carrying her fresh kill like a garden hose. Screaming inside my head, I broke in her house and went under her bed.

But she followed me up, hearing a clatter. I went to nearest door, and slammed myself in, needing relief for my sweet sweet bladder.

Yep, so there you have it. How I got here.

And I still need to pee.

And im hungry.

Course I left the broom at home, I thought of bringing the broom! But nooooo I just tottaly forgot about the snacks...damnit.

Im thinking about just bursting out and running for my life. Hopefully she wont see me.

Ill be so graceful, that im invisible!

Yea...Ill be a beautiful gazelle!

On the count of Pita bread...

Sour dough.

Whole wheat.

PITA BREEEEAAAAAAAAAAAD!

(_What the fu-PEETA!) _

_Shush now katniss! Im a beautiful gazelle! _

_(PEETA MELLARK GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!) _

_I am a beautiful invisible gazelle! Prance! Prance! Prance!_

_(...Well, hunting time!) _

_...Wha-OH! AGH! NO! SWEETHEART! ITS ME! ITS ME YOUR BELOVED PEETA! _

_(DIE YOU STUPID DEER! ILL EAT YOUR INTERNAL ORGANS!) _

_..I-...Katniss... I love yo-_

_**Phone dialing. **_

_**Phone ringtone. **_

_(Hey Gale, I killed a deer. Wanna come over for dinner?)_

_(..Alright cool, see you in a sec.) _

BAKERY BOY OUT!


	4. INTERNET! I CHOOSE YOU!

Derp. Derp. Derp.

Well, I dont have much time to write this.

Police say this counts as my one phone call... I didnt know who to call, so I dicided to just MESSAGE THE WHOLE INTERNET!

YAYA!

INTERNET! I CHOOSE YOU!

(Cell mate: Whats with the pokemon reference?  
>Peeta: CELL MATE! I CHOOSE YOU!<br>Cell mate: mmhm, point that nasty ass finger away from me.  
>Peeta: Okay!<br>Cell mate:...yea, okay.)

So please! If any of you know how to get me the heck out of here, HELP! Oh, and dont tell Katniss about this! I dont want this to be tainting our future baby making process.

*sexy pose*

(Cell mate: Okay, dude, you really need to stop that.  
>Peeta: *sexy pose*<br>Cell mate: PLEASE GET ME AWAY FROM THIS GUY! ILL RECYCLE EVEN IF I HAVE TO! PLEASE!  
>Peeta: And then after this we can make pretty pillow cases! Oh! And maybe when we get out, we can have a playdate.)<p>

PLAAAYDAAAAATE.

hehe!

I have a sudden craving to make bread. Where the HELL is the oven in this tiny cell? I wonder if Katniss is missing me right. at. this. moment?

I bet she's crying... OH NO! KATNISS IS CRYING! AHHHH!

MUST BE THERE FOR COMFORT BEFORE GALE!

(Official looking police person: Alright, your time is up Peeta. Give it over.  
>Peeta: YOU DONT UNDERSTAND THE LOVE OF MY LIFE IS CRYING!<br>Official looking donut eating police person: Well, you should have thought of that before getting the pope called on you.  
>Peeta: KATNISS EVERDEEN IS OUT THERE RIGHT NOW WITH HER SEXY ASS AND AWESOME BOOBS CRYING HER BEAUTIFUL EYES OUT! I MUST GET TO HER BEFORE HER STUPID FRIEND SMELLY GALE GETS THERE AND COMFORTS HER!<br>Cell mate: Id let 'em go.  
>Official looking police person: fine, your free)<p>

WOOOO! FREEDOM MOTHER ...hehe I cant say the rest.. its naughty!

Ohhhh Katniss! Im coming to comfort you my love!

(Flash to Katniss at home)

Katniss: ... I have a sudden urdge to pack my bags and leave..

(Back to Peeta)

DAMN YOU GALE TO DEPTHS OF HELL! I HOPE YOU ROT WITH UNICORNS RIPPING AT YOUR SUCULENT FLESH FOR ALL OF ETERNITY!

hehe! I just looovee hugs!

Oh no, dont squeeze me too hard! Ill fart!

hehe

BAKERY BOY OUT!


	5. NAKED PICTURES OF GALE!

ITS PEETA!

NO. NOT. GALE.

GALE CAN GO EAT A RAINBOW COLORED TRIBUTE ASS!

hehe!

So before I do anything else, i have a wonderful love poem for my one and only KATNISS! *fan...boy scream*

The fire is red,  
>The sky is blue<br>I love you  
>Theres blood on the ground<br>I run at your whistling sound  
>You have such beutiful eyes<br>Ill bake you pies  
>Yes, theres two guys<br>but its very obvious  
>that GALE IS FUDGE NUGGET WITH NO SOUL BECAUSE HE IS SECERTLEY GINGER AND YOUR BABIES WOULD BE UGLY AS FUDGE AND WOULD DIE OF HUMILIATION CAUSE THEY HATE THEIR FATHER!<p>

...wasnt it BEUTIFUL?

Now Katniss will fall hopelessly in love with me! And our children will be wonderfuly sexy.

ANYYYWAYS! I woke today and there it was.

A PICTURE OF GALE!

Naked.

He called me a faggot... I dont even know what that means.

So I stormed down to his house and punched him in the face. Sadly, I pulled a Bella and i broke my wrist! Yay!

No, all of you Team Gale people, he is not a werewolf... I brought out that theory years ago and video taped him on a full moon.

All he did was...naughty things.

HEHE

Oh no.

I just realized another reaping is coming tomorrow! AH! I MUST PROTECT KATNISS!

KATNISS! IVE COME TO PROTECT YOU!

Katniss: Um, Peeta, your eating my ice cream.

NOOO! I HAVE FAILED AT MY DUITES!

Katniss:... Yea, okay, Gale is coming over in a few minute-

GALE! GALE! WHY MUST YOU CHEAT ON ME KATNISS?

Katniss: Were...friends Peeta. And Gale and I are just going hunting.

WHY WORLD! WHY!  
>I WROTE YOU A POEM KATNISS! A POEM I SLAVED ON ALL DAY AFTER BEING CALLED A FAGGOT!<p>

Katniss: Im trying hard not to laugh now...Peeta, you should leave.

Gale: Katniss?

Katniss: Hey Gale.

Gale: What is he doing here?

YOU!

Gale: Me?

YOU CALLED ME A FAGGOT WITH A NAKED PICTURE OF YOURSELF! WELL NEWS FLASH BAZZOKA BOY! YOUR NOT THAT BI-

Katniss: OKAY! Peeta, I think its about time for you to leave.

B-But the reaping is coming! I dont want you to diiieeee.

Katniss:...Ill be fine. Bye Peeta.

Bye! I. Love. You.

Gale:...Faggot.

WHAT THE CRAP IS A FAGGOT?

Hehe well, now that i have saved Katniss from the reaping! Shell want to have sexy babies with me! Right? ..Right?

Not with Gale? PLease say not with Gale! 

BAKERY BOY OUT!


	6. I GOT TO HOLD HER HAND! EEEP!

Hehe.

Hehe.

Hehe- KATNISS YOU IDIOTIC GIRL! WHY MUST YOU VOLUNTEER YOU STUPID LITTLE GIRL!

Hehe.

Crap, course they just called my flipping name. PEETA MELLARK MY ASS!

I. AM. IRON. MAN!

_**THIS BLOG HAS BEEN SHUTDOWN AT THE CAPITOLS COMMAND. **_

Tee-Hee.

Stupid Capitol, its a little thing called HACKING! BWA HA HA!

Im such a badass Iron Man. Either way, I am in major trouble, I was just set on fire by some lunatic.

Its a miracle im alive.

Either way, I think im hypervenalating. I GOT TO HOLD KATNISS'S HAND! HELL YEA! TAKE THAT SMELLY GALE!

HA HA HA HA! GALE RHYMES WITH FAIL!

Its obvious I am going to win Katniss's heart...i mean, as long as she doesnt kill me in the games. Yea...that would be..bad.

But yeesh, that Snow guy is...scary. The guy is like...unstable. Espicially with his little Game maker friends. Theyre all just really scary, I mean, sure, they look all cute and cuddly...but no, the look in their eyes.

IM PRETTY SURE THEY WANT TO RIP OUT MY FUZZY INSIDE, GRILL THEM, PAINT THEM BLUE, AND WEAR THEM ON THEIR HEADS FOR CHRISTMAS!

Scary.

Well, ON TO THE INTERVIEW!

Still a little scared, I mean, the guy has blue hair...

Who knows what he may be hiding in that smurf like hair.

BAKERY BOY OUT!

_**Wisegirl8756:**_

Good luck Bakery boy

_**12GIRLONFIRE12:**_

...Why do I have a sudden urdge to punch you Peeta?

_**Re: 12GIRLONFIRE12: **_

No reason sweetheart! Kiss kiss!

_**Hammerweilder14:**_

May the odds be forever in your favor!

_**THATWASMAHOGONYBIOTCH!**_

Hammerweilder14, THAT IS MY LINE!


	7. TEDDY BEARS AND BLANKETS!

I think Katniss wants to make babies.

I mean, she just kissed me. KISSED MEEEEEE.

So, were currently in the middle of this disgusting cave. I have a pet spider, he lives in the corner of the cave. Hehe, I named him Batman.

GO BATMAN! BE FREE! BE FREEEEEEE.

Okay but I'm supposed to be on my death bed right now, don't ask. Katniss just tried to poisen me so I would fall asleep while she go plays hero blah blah blah. Little does she know that I'm immune to her little sleepy time tricks.

I mean, the teddy bear and blanket she gave me were a nice touch… but come on.

Why do I feel all déjà vu like? I mean, crazy repetitive shitaki is going on here! ITS FREAKING CRAZY! CRAZY I TELL YOU!

This is so short…. But I have the odd feeling that I'm being watched.

So here, my theme song right now.

… I WILL SURVIVE! I WILL SURVIVE HEY HEY HEYYYY! BECAUSE IM PEETA! I WILL SURVIVE! NAH NAH NAH!

MUST. MAKE. BABIES WITH KATNISSSSS.. MUST SURVIVE THE HUNGER GAAAAMESSS! AND I WILL! I WILL SURVIVE! YEA YEA YEA! IM PEEETAAAA! PEETAAA MALLARRRKKK!

BAKERY BOY OUT!

**Wisegirl8756:**

Good luck Peeta! P.S.: Gale is HELLA pissed. Just saying.

**JOINTEAMGALE978: **

Im not that pissed…. Just try NOT surviving Peeta, kay?

**RE:JOINTEAMGALE978: **

I WILL SURVIVE! I WILL SURVIVE HEY HEY HEYYYY!


End file.
